Sheila Bryson

Things My Parents Say

Dad: You know what all religions have in common? They are all anti-vagina.

Photo of the Room I'm Fake Napping In

I am in here fake napping to avoid a double dose of my Mother and Grandmother's passive aggressiveness. It is so intense I can hardly handle it.

Things My Family Say

Grandma: I don't like men who part their hair down the middle.

Things My Parents Say

Dad: She had no titts, so I knew she was smart.

Things My Parents Say

Dad: That god damned store has so many things I cant believe they didn't have any cheese. I didnt even bother buying any crackers.

Special Thanksgiving Series: Things The Parents of AmeriCanadian Say

I'm on a plane right now heading for Lincoln, Nebraska where I will meet up with my parents and drive to Belleville, Kansas. Some of you might have heard some of my Kansas stories- my Grandma lives in this town which has a population of 2,000. There is one bar called the Lone Wolf where the regulars play Styx on the juke box without irony. I will have the tremendous fortune of havin adjoining hotel rooms with my parents at the local Motel 8. I read some reviews of the motel and it turns out that the sheets all have pubes and donut crumbs already included. Awesome. My point here is that I will be spending a lot of time with the parents of AmeriCanadian and thought it would be fine to live blog anything crazy they might say while we are together. Wish me luck, and who knows I might even do some mobile uploads while I'm there. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Sky Mall Never Ceases to Amaze

A "stand up" desk. I would axe kick that desk off of someones gut if I ever saw them using it. I like this guys outfit- he looks like he's taking care of some serious biznass.

One More Sky Mall Find: Pitching a Tent

This is a mini tent and they actually suggest that you take a snooze in it at the airport on a flight layover or delay. I can see some inappropriate uses for it in that capacity- sex, masturbating, or maybe to sober up after a bender at a bar at O'Hare? Also what do you say to the security dude when he asks what those metal poles are? "It's my airport masturbatorium"

Trojan Vibrating Touch Commercial: Seven Questions and/or Observations

1) What magazine are these women reading? 

2) What's up with this beauty salon?  Why do the women all look like they are wearing power suits from the early 90s?

3) What women rave about their sex toys to their girlfriends for WEEKS?  These women are sex-crazed perverts!

4) What did the one girl whisper to the other one?  Any guesses people?  I think maybe you can use it as a cock ring or something like that.

5) It would have been better if that old bird had been on her laptop behind them.

6) Good for a relationship huh?  Not after that comment you horn dog.

7) What did the brainstorm for this commercial look like?  I guarantee that they were likely trying to remove the stigma of sex toys.  "We need to make it ok for women to talk about vibrators, even old birds with red hair."

Things I Will Never Do

#3) Get a spray on tan.