Sheila Bryson

25 Random Things That Annoy Me

1.  People who wear Ed Hardy clothing

2.  Alarm clocks that don't have a radio.  I hate waking up to BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!  What a shitty way to start the day.  

3.  Prius drivers

4.  My inability to sleep in

5.  People who laugh after everything that they say

6.  When definitely is spelled definately

7.  The smell of tar

8.  When you get sushi or Chinese food delivered and there isn't enough soy sauce

9.  Gynecological exams

10. The fact that I can't do simple math

11. When American's make fun of my Canadian accent, and Canadians make fun of my American accent

12. Dating.  My god it fucking sucks

13. Women with kids who think that they no longer have anything in common with women who don't have kids

14. Anything with the word shower in it: baby shower, wedding shower, golden shower

15. eHarmony ads

16. Ulf Samuelsson

17. My cat waking me up every hour every night

18. When waiters crouch down to talk to you at eye level.  Creepy.

19. iPhones, mostly because I have envy

20. People who don't use their indicating lights while driving

21. Louis Vuitton handbags

22. Passive aggressiveness

23. Being seated at a wedding at a table with a single guy who is a total douche and everyone else at the table is part of a couple

24. The fact that Street Sheet comes out monthly and not weekly

25. EMOTICONS

From The Grammy's Red Carpet: AmeriCanadian's Impressions

Paula Abdul: what's up with the dress Paula?  I get the hardware and the soft feminine look together, but it's kind of bizarre.  And are Simon and Paula really dating!?  I would not like to walk in on that.  By that I mean those two having sex, just to be clear.

Flor IDA (is that how it's spelled?): He said that he grew up amongst a lot of women.  He has a huge cross on, I actually think that he looks like a minister who has a wealthy congregation that tithes a LOT.  Not that sexy.  Sorry Flo.

NE-Yo: I like his ascot.  There are not enough ascot's in this world.  Then he explained why his name is Ne-Yo, and it's basically a rip off of The Matrix.  That is gay.  Move along Ne-Yo.

Leona Lewis: Hm, her dress is .  She does have a delightful accent.  (OMG! during this interview there is a shot of Cindy Lauper who looks like she just pulled herself out of a grave)  Leona's boobs don't quite fit into her dress.  They are smooshing out of the top/sides of the dress giving the appearance of armpit fat.

Estelle:  I LOVE HER!  But her dress makes her look like she should be on a spaceship. I like that look.  Her necklace is fun!  OMG they are talking about Roscoes, why!?  This is my favorite Estelle song, Wait a Minute.  

LL Cool J:  The second concert I ever went to. I really like the shape of his sunglasses.  Seacrest trying to get him to take his shades off, LL isn't HAVING it.  

T-Pain: He is not tall.  Wow.  He is mixing up two different sets of grillz.  That is racy.  His grillz were $14K.  Dear famous people, don't talk about how expensive things are in these economic times, especially your grillz.

Carrie Underwood: She looks old.  Why is everyone too glammed up!?  This is The Grammy's!!  Not the Oscars!  

Katy Perry: TOO GLAM I AM OVER THIS.  She looks adorable in the soft bubblegum pink.  Am I wrong about The Grammys' fashion?

Lupe Fiasco!!!  I LOVE HIM!  I like his shoes- he's rockin' Louis Vuitton sneaks.  That's what I'm talking about!  Aw, he's there with him Mom.  So cute.

Ok, I'm bored of this.

Stream of Consciousness With No Punctuation

These are the worst sometimes but sometimes they're the best went to a friend's birthday party at The Sausage Factory tonight it was fun but then I came home and know that I won't get to see this guy I have a crush on which sucks but he's busy so I totally understand I love that it's raining because it's a license to be lazy I hope it's rainy tomorrow so that I can sleep in and read magazines in bed all day I had a really rough critique last night at Comedy College and it has really been bugging me so much so that I woke up this morning in such a horrible mood and I am still being affected by it I just wish that I could shake it off it fucking sucks I was cranky on the way home from work tonight and I looked out the window on MUNI and the sky was amazingly beautiful over Oakland and it made me smile and feel happy for a few moments and I was also listening to Electric Avenue by Wycleff at the same time and it really got me in a much better mood and feeling better about things and tomorrow night I am going to dinner at my friend Nancy's it should be fun I got this new eyeliner and when I put it on it completely smudges and makes me look like a crack whore which I guess is a pretty hot look in some neighborhoods in this city but not really what I'm going for I think I'm going to have to buy a new one so that I don't look so whorey tomorrow I should really go to Twin Peaks and do some writing but I really need to get on some stages and it's getting me down because I'm not really sure if I really want to do this comedy thing but I know I will regret it if I don't keep trying and I'm sure that I'm just reacting this way because of last night and FUCK it sucks

Things About Living in San Francisco That Make Me Laugh

When you are riding public transportation (or MUNI for those of you who know) and a normal person is clearly being cornered and talked at by a crazy homeless person. When you make eye contact with the normal person, the look on their face says, "Help me," and the look on your face says, "Thanks for taking one for the team."

50 Random Things About Me- Cause I'm Really Random

There is a phenomenon on Facbeook right now asking people to list out 25 random things about themselves.  I did it, but the thing is that I can come up with a TON more than 25.  I think it could be a good exercise for me.  Here goes, let's see how many I can come up with.

Here is my original list from Facebook.

1. I have a cat named Mrs. Krusty Bottoms.
2. I'm a dual citizen.
3. I'm really not sure if I'm ever going to move back to Canada.
4. I like my peanut butter chunky, not smooth.
5. I was stung by a sting ray in the Bahamas when I was six.
6. I once worked as a lawn mower in a cemetery.
7. I've lived in five different provinces in Canada.
8. The first concert I ever saw was MC Hammer. Vanilla Ice and En Vogue opened for him.
9. I'd like the first song at my wedding to be, "I Love It When You Call Me Big Poppa" by Notorious BIG.
10. I once saved my childhood best friend's life by removing water wings from her feet.
11. I'm pretty sure that Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Jack Johnson are the same person.
12. I come from a long line of fishermen.
13. One of my fishermen Uncles was named Bubb and he had a pet parrot (that he won in a game of poker) AND a pet fox. The fox was named Prince Charles. You can't make that up.
14. I hate the texture of oatmeal and creme brulee. Yick.
15. My favorite form of any adjective or adverb is the superlative. Everything in my life is either the BEST or the WORST. It's something I need to work on.
16. I was once engaged.
17. I figured out that I wanted to try PR after taking a career aptitude test. 
18. I moved to San Francisco without ever having been here.
19. If I could meet any celebrity, it would be Dolly Parton.
20. When I was a little girl I was obsessed with The Fonz.
21. I worked at a ski resort in the Canadian Rockies for a year and a half and it changed my life forever.
22. I went to boarding school for three years and it changed my life forever, too.
23. I sometimes wish I had unlimited credit with Sky Mall.
24. My favorite movie of all time is Tommy Boy.
25. I spend a lot of time wishing they made adult underoos.

and here goes the + part of the 25.

26.  My sister and I once almost got hit by lightening and pelted by golf ball sized hail.

27.  I like my pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and extra cheese.

28.  I once joined the girl's hockey team at my high school even though I couldn't skate.

29.  I look exactly like my Mom.  I mean you could walk by her on the street and know she's my Mom.

30.  If I ever have a kid, I think Bryson would be a kick ass name.  Even if it's a girl.

31.  I once worked as a bartender at a curling rink.

32.  The only cruise I've ever been on was a two night trip to Ensenada.

33.  Two of my best friends are a couple named Dave and Richard.  I call them my two Dads because they once saved my life.  Seriously.

34.  My Dad plays the piano really well. He always said he knew he could make $100 a night playing the piano if he lost his job.

35.  My favorite day of the year is April Fool's Day.

36.  I can make my birthday last for a really long time.

37.  I don't think I've ever really been in love, but I think I will be some day.

38.  Menus with too many items on them completely overwhelm me.

39.  If I could be any superhero it would be Wonder Woman.  That clear jet was way too cool.

40.  My favorite book is The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

41.  It took me four years to finally try stand-up comedy.

42.  If I could kick any celebrity in the nuts, it would be Mario Lopez.

43.  I used to read Sweet Valley High books.

44.  One of my biggest regrets since moving to San Francisco was moving out of my apartment in Potrero Hill.

45.  My favorite city ever is Edinburgh. 

46.  I went to summer camp from the age of 6. 

47.  The first time I got drunk I was in grade 8.

48.  One of the most anti-climactic moments of my life was crossing the border to move to the States.

49. Pancakes and cornbread are two of the world's most perfect foods.

50.  If I could join any band I would probably join the P Funk All Stars.  Those guys had some fun.